I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
