Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
