Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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