hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
