help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
