I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
