worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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