rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
