ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize