That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
