Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
