We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
so much tequila, so little girl.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
