farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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