I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
