her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
