Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
