Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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