I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he shaved USA in his pubs
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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