Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
