She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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