I cannot find my penis.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
