coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
