I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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