im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
