just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
