I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
