nutella sex= disaster
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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