my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You took a bar mat shot.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
