i already hear my dad disowning me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
