how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
