Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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