This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
