I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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