rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
