Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
