And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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