Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
