Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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