just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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