I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
