DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize