The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
