she looked like the before picture.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
