they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
