That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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