When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
