Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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