do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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