i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
