I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize