therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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