Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
