I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I could make wine with my vomit
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
