the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
