Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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