my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
