Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
