Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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