Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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