..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
