You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
