shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
