my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
