He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
