Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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