I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
