i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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