things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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