Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
