THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
