I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
