is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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