I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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