An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
