and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
