I think im going to throw up on grandma
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
